Bittersweet Thanksgiving ....

First of all I want to say what I am thankful for:

I am thankful for clean water, a roof over my head, cars that run,
4 healthy kids, food on our table, warm weather, safety in my husband's arms,
a job that pays little, but at least I still have it, good animals, warm water, electricity,
gazing into my 9-month-old daughter's eyes, having God to believe in,
heaven to look forward too, beautiful earth to live on, good friends,
being able to talk with my parents openly, looking forward to Christmas, and the list goes on and on.

As much as I an thankful for I am still sad sometimes too. I wish that I had 4 more mouths to feed at the Thanksgiving table. I am hoping that C's tests that are coming up will turn out well. I am very nervous in what her test results hold for her when we get them in 3 months. I am nervous at what my test results will show. I am hoping they will show a cause to why I had the seizure, but that it will be minor. As much as I want to see my 4 children up in heaven, I really want to be here to raise the 4 on earth. I cannot wait until we can all be reunited as 1 BIG family up in heaven, but as much as I want that, I do not want that right now. I am not ready for the roller coaster of a month of December. H's birthday is on December 4th, then 1 of my miscarriage due dates was on the 7th, then Jeremiah's b-day on December 17th, Christmas, and then R's birthday on the 31st. December is a big month for me. I wish it did not have to be such an emotional roller coaster, but it is. I miss my family where we used to live. I miss the snow, but alas maybe some time we will move and be in the snow again. Until then I will try to make it seem as much as Christmas as I can here in the desert. That is all for now.