Okay, so there is this family in church that I sort of envy. I know the Lord says not to envy, so I am really trying hard not too. I met her and her children a while back when her son was 3 months old and C was about 5 months old. She had said I was lucky that my children were split apart by more years. Her children are all probably about 1 1/2 years apart. I swear so much in me wanted to say I have children that are closer together, they are just in heaven. I was supposed to have Jeremiah between R and H. My kids ages would be 8, 7, 5, 4, and 1, but do I get this, of course no. I also had miscarriages in there, so really I would have a lot of close in age kids between H and C. It just frustrates me when people say I wish mine were spread apart by more years. UGH. What they don't know is that I would have closer in age children.
Well this lady is having another baby in June. Her son and this baby will be 14 months apart. She will now have 4 kids about the same ages as mine would have been at that age. She has 1 boy, 1 girl, 1 boy and I have no idea what sex this one will be. This is how my family was supposed to be :( I am sort of jealous and coveting their family. I know I should not be, but it is so hard not to look at families similar to how ours would have been and think what it would be like. And I so do not like it when people come out and say they wish they had children farther apart. I try not to do this to other families.
Often times I find myself wondering if somebody has been through something similar. I have no way of knowing because it is not something that you bring up. "Oh by the way, do you have a child in heaven?" I guess what I am saying is some people should think before they say something like I wish my kids were not so close in age, because some of us really do wish they had kids so close in age. I am very thankful for the ones I do have here on earth, I just miss the ones I have up in heaven as well and I wish there was a way of others knowing if you have a child in heaven without bringing it up. I think it would make life easier.
I'm so sorry, I know how you feel because I had 6 miscarriages and the oh you can't have your "own" children comments...hurtful and people are always making comments about why we adopted children from a foreign country...blah, blah, blah, why didn't you adopt from the USA??? They don't know we had 3 failed US adoptions that were very hurtful...why do people do that when they don't know the details. So sorry you are going through this pain...does blogging about it help at all?? Maybe it will help others think before they speak.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you -- and your post makes me realize I need to be careful when commenting about someone's family. When I have this baby, he will be 7 years behind my last! And I have already been asked if this baby is by a different dad than the others, because people just don't wait 7 years between kids. That's nice. So... as it pains me to know WHY there is such a gap, with 4 missing kids in between, I should be more sensative.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you see a family with what you would have with J here...at your own church, no less. It's just not fair!